a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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