can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
