i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
