Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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