he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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