There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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