Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
