Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
