woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
