3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
