I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize