i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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