Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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