I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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