I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
