You really coming over, don't trick.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
