my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
