It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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