If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
