Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
