Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
