As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
