So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
