please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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