I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize