I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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