You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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