Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
