OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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