very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
