This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
