I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
