I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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