What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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