Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I smell like Dick and happiness
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
