he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
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She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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