just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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