My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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