I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize