I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
