i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
