I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
