I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize