you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
