I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
