5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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