i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
