I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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