nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
