Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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