Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
