If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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