I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
