Her vagina should come with caution tape.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
