just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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