Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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