it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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