This girl is more easily done than said...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
