why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
