yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
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Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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