in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
