My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
