dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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