Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
