So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he thought i was a dude.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
