how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
