i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
