Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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