i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
