I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
