Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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