stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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