like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
